Zoidberg, on the economy

Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!

Pseudo-random

My professor on pseudo-random numbers in the context of Monte Carlo:

They look like random numbers, they smell like random numbers, and by God, we're going to treat them like random numbers.

Grammar joke!

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"To."
"To who?"
"To whom!"

(source: the internet)

Quote of the day

Girl is talking about how at the farm, she had to once stick her gloved hand up a cow to check to see if it was pregnant.

The dude in front of me, incredulously: "Why didn't you just put your ear right next to it and listen for a little moo in the big moo?!"

That guy cracks me up.